Music.
Welcome to the podcast, I'm Too Old For This, where we're asking the uncomfortable, inspiring and frequently asked questions of people who've truly seen it all. I'm Cath, your guide to explore the realities of getting older, with open conversations, no taboos, and a good dose of humor.
You look at some Hollywood superstars, they're still fathering children, 82 or energy involved, huh? Yeah, and it's it. There's no cut off point. There is no cut off point. It's all a question of libido, desire. You either got it or you haven't. It might wane in some people. That's what Viagra for, isn't it? Yeah. Well, yeah.
Today we're talking about sex and intimacy and all that means, as you age, I'd like to welcome Rob, who's 75 years of age, and Vina, who's 90, both of whom have lived long and interesting lives, and they're going to share with you what it's like to age and talk about sex and intimacy. So enjoy the show.
So this episode is quite an exciting one. We thought we'd talk about sex so and intimacy, of course, because they all go together and being loved. I think as we get older, from my perspective, as I'm aging, because I'm 60 now, and I feel old, it's slightly I'm 60. Yeah, I know. Please tell me I look younger than 60.
We'll add that onto the last one. Yes, I'm 60. I've just turned 60 this year. No, my son's age. Oh, hey, isn't that amazing? I love that. It's really well.
I am. I think my views on sex and love and intimacy have changed a lot about being much more about companionship. And, you know, let's face it, sex is great, but you know, companionship is just as important. So my really big question for you is, how has it changed for you over the years, in intimacy and even thinking about sex and being with a partner? Has it changed over the years?
Yes, it certainly has. Sorry, I missed that one. I think he changed. I've completed his circle. Sorry, yes, when I was 18, gosh, my father was so called a conservative, but I couldn't even stop in a row to talk with the man, if he passes by court. I had a lecture of two hours. Wow. No, I was kept very much innocent until I'm married. Yeah, yeah. And he tells him for you when you got married 25 Wow. But I only want to get married at 32 so everybody but you know, I was our 16, think, 16 years marriage, but it wasn't a success, because I don't think was prepared to to have a partner, because I didn't know anything about it. So it was very, I don't understand sex without intimacy, so it's something that I couldn't get it. I couldn't understand. Yeah, people just going for a flirt or for adventure, yeah, and be proud to have men, too many men and vice versa, not to I think that doesn't it wasn't me. I didn't see you. No, so I never thought about anything but intimacy first, yeah, companionship second. And then age, if you go, you get age along the years with the same person. You accept each other very well, yeah, because you're growing old together, right? Yes, yeah, you go together. You forget that you are getting old if you are happy. Yeah, you know, you don't even seen your partner, old men, yeah, you know, because they had companionship, their understanding intimacy, yeah? But about sex, I don't, I can't tell much about sex. I, I don't know.
Oh, Rob, well over to you.
Then on that, I'll admit. I mean, I'm, I wasn't a particularly sexual beast as a child, as a youth, young young man, I got married at 23 and my wife actually introduced me to sex. I don't mind admitting that my fiance, as she was there. I reckon that's very, very common, just not always sure. I mean, it's always supposed to be the man who is who has sex, yeah, and the woman who goes for the intimacy and the relationship and whatever. It wasn't necessarily the same with me. I mean, sex was a very important part of marriage. I've been married twice, by the way, and sex was, you know, a very important part of marriage, but it was largely to produce children. I mean, it seems odd, but we wanted a couple of kids fairly early on, you know, get it out the way and bring them up as we were young. Yeah. So yes, of course, there was a lot of sex, sex going on, but when we had the two children, by design, we had the two children, my wife became a bit of a house Mum, you know, a house mother, and she very much wanted to be with the children. She was a, she was a, an Earth Mother, you know, type and the sex didn't disappear from the marriage at all, but it certainly reduced. Yeah, quite a lot. And I didn't, kind of, I didn't go out looking for it. I mean, I can count, literally, I can count on the fingers of one hand, even without the thumb, the number of the number of women I've actually made love to. Yeah, okay, gee, that's a very courageous conversation. Yeah, we're here for Yeah.
I mean, I would say I was married twice, so obviously sex with my two wives and there was, there was a fling, an affair in between the two, and then one after my second divorce. And have you lost confidence over the years? Do you think in terms of taking on another relationship, no, and I don't, I'd have no desire to take on a new relationship. Now, at my age, I still think about, I still think about sex. There's no question about it when I do, yeah, but the intimacy now is, is non sexual, if you know what I mean, the intimacy is also with friendships and people around me that I'm not going to have sex with.
So I guess, in a way, you separate. I'm separating sex and intimacy in Australia, but they didn't go together. I know they go. They did in my in my past, they went, Yes, I think that it has now. I mean, sex, I no longer take part in, yeah, intimacy, I do, yeah, yeah, but it's the companion. I mean, intimacy and companionship, yeah, it's very nice to wake up snuggling next to someone, isn't it? Oh yeah, that's right, yeah, oh, yeah, don't worry. I mean, what's your views on that? Because I mean the stereotype for as you get older, and probably even from my age at 60, which is not true with some Hollywood superstars, they're still fathering children at 82.
Yeah, and there's no cut off point. There is no cut off point. It's all a question of libido, desire. You either got it or you haven't. It might wane in some people.
Guess what Viagra sports meant? Yeah. Well, yeah, no, but yeah. I mean, there are people who side children in their 80s. God bless them. That's what they want to do. They obviously still got sex drive. I haven't. I've lost mine, perfectly honest about it. I mean, I still think about sex, and I still appreciate what I've achieved in the past in terms of sex, and a lot of that was actually having two children. I mean, I'm, you know, sorry, you know, when we, when we were young, 25 six, at the sort of age, having sex was a lot to do with having children. Yeah, interesting, yeah. I think to us, my wife and I, yeah. And probably for a lot of people, it is. I mean, we place a lot of importance on it, don't we as a society. What's your thoughts about that? Do you think it's not that it's overrated, but, I mean, it's just such a natural thing? Yeah. I mean, you know, Cicero has got nothing on sex. I see he's been going on for, you know, a lot longer than Sisera, yeah.
And yeah, it's just, it's a procreative, you know, force, and it is a force in some people, yeah, and it's the way we maintain our being, our races. What about physical touch? Do you miss that, the kind of intimacy of touch, like I said snuggling next and someone holding hands, that stuff and little things like that can actually be quite important. Yeah, it's a form of friendship, even if your friends, yeah, yeah, woman or men, doesn't really matter. No, no, it doesn't really matter because I went talk and I touch people along, or they going independent, looking man or woman. I need contact when I'm talking to somebody. Is that something you really miss? If it's something you miss, how do we how can other people help? Or what is it? Because I think never.
Right? I mean, even massage is a great form of touch, isn't it? You know, yeah, yeah, I don't like massage, but I can't, you know, it's a long time, if you live from, let's say, 70 to 100 a block, which we'd all like, Sure, 70 to 9020, years of that intimacy not being there. How do you how do you fix that?
I don't think I can fix it.
I was divorced in 1976 Oh, my goodness, yes, I was quite young. I was married 16 years, and then I couldn't take it anymore. So he was a lovely person, and it wasn't for me. You know what, I'm Yeah. So did you ever have another partner in them? Wow, that's a long time. And one child, one child, yeah, after five years of marriage, I wouldn't get pregnant. I wanted to those 12 kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah, so, so you get that intimacy and the kind of the love, yep, from friends. Or, how do you do that?
That I wish I could find, sometimes, somebody that, even at my age, yeah, that could be nice to me, yeah, yeah. But the scariest is scary, yeah, we have animal therapists who come around here with a dog or whatever. Maybe we should have some human therapist to come around. To give you a couple people lining up for that. I have been lonely for a long time, but I fill my life with things that keep my mind occupied, yeah, and keep myself occupied all the time so that I don't have to think very much about how I live or what I missed. Yeah, no, yeah, it's important. Maybe that's why I don't get too old. Because I was just thinking, your secret to looking fabulous at 90 might be not to have a husband.
I'm gonna ask you a little question. Do you get dolled up? Just maybe think about being a troublemaker. Do you get dolled up and ready to party and at all? Do you find that you have opportunity to do that? Because that always makes sexy, doesn't it? I mean, you know, and always dress up just for, I mean, might be bingo in the afternoon. They're surprised, a box of chocolates. So, yes, I mean, I'll wear anything, you know, where tutu already, would you like me to have been still in the kind of anticipation of that? Because that's part of it, isn't it? The part of all this stuff is excitement. Oh, I like dancing. Oh, do you Yeah? I used to when I was younger. They had to do something, I was dancing, and put the music. And those what I'm working, yeah? Because somebody no intimacy.
Question is, can you be into it with yourself?
Seriously? I mean, yes, you've got certain needs, yeah, certain physical, mental needs that you, you know, you can develop, yeah, control, you know, how this, it might, might be something like, you know, I'm trivia I mean, I'm a trivia nut. Oh, I'm on the quizzes. I'm on quizzes every night, you know, on on, on the computer. Yeah?
Scrabble and things like that, but they are my intimate moments. Yes, I locked the door and put the sign out saying, do not deserve I don't know. Want to know what you're up to close my daughter and my sister probably ever died from Portugal, and she's she said, Are you in bed already? No, I'm just lying down in miracles. I don't have anywhere together. I'm forced to be here so. So I've talked to every night, my friends, three, four Portugal, and then I buy bridge until midnight. Wow, yeah, of course, I use Sultan when someone is playing a system that so I reckon I'm going to wrap this bit of it up, because
there's some real thoughts for me about the length of time that people have by themselves, don't you reckon? And how you find ways of looking after yourself, looking after yourself, and having that kind of or just maintaining a life interest of some sort, yeah, and relationships, yeah, yeah. So thank you, because that's one of the hard questions in life, really, isn't it, or not easy to talk about. So thank you.
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