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Welcome to the podcast, I'm Too Old For This where we're asking the uncomfortable, inspiring and frequently asked questions of people who've truly seen it all. I'm Cath, your guide to explore the realities of getting older with open conversations, no taboos and a good dose of humor.
The ones who lock themselves away and feel sad for themselves are getting nowhere. They are going to age more quickly, I believe, than I am, because I am going to maintain my friendships and my family relationships, or whatever, for as long as I possibly can, and that does keep you young. Question
I've got with me, Rob, who's 75 years of age, and Veena, who's 90, we're all part of the Brightwater community, and we're going to talk to you about what it's like to age some of the good, the bad and the ugly, and I hope we really have some deep conversations, as well as a few laughs.
Let's get started with the first big question. Vina, you're first. You've got the advantage of age. What do you think it feels like to get old? When did you know you were getting old?
I never knew. I don't remember. Because when I was young, quite young, like I never liked birthdays to begin with, because I didn't want to get old. Yeah, and to me, when I turned 21, I cried the whole day because I intended to die. My late to die was a 28 years old. Oh, wow, that's true, yeah. So I hated birthdays, and when I was nearly 28, I changed my mind. Of course, you know, I didn't think that as you got closer, yeah, no, I thought 28 was he was eight that I would like to die, yeah, I didn't like to sit down and make conversation with old people and, you know, doing things that I didn't like to do, yeah, so we're 28 when I was married, of course, was completely different.
I didn't have a child, but I had my son at 30, but it was fine. I didn't think of age ever since. I don't care, where did people start to think of you as old? Because it's, I imagine it's different. I'm having this now, actually, where, if I share a little bit, my 60 ish friend was really annoyed the other day she was in the on the train, and somebody stood up for her. And of course, we tell children to stand up for people as they get older. And she was really annoyed and tried to hide it so and I would be too. I'd be totally chased off if somebody stood up for me.
When did that happen? When did you feel it change?
Oh, you feel any later life? Always. People do not believe my age. Oh yeah, family, oh gosh, yeah. They are all I'm amazing, they say, and I don't believe I'm amazing. And after me, I'm a just ordinary person. But people make me believe that I'm really out of my age, that I shouldn't be the way I am. Probably because I'm not afraid of dying at all. I don't even think of dying. I just want to be to die suddenly. That's what I pray for. Yeah? I think that I don't have to suffer or make other people suffer. Yeah? And I don't want to be vegetable, yeah, that is for sure. I told my son, if that happened, don't put machines or anything on me, just let me go. Yeah? So I'm not afraid at all. So when do you, because you will have seen loads of things, both of you through the generations, do you still find that you can keep up with it, like technology is one? I mean, look at us now doing a podcast. Yes. I mean, you asked, you know, when did you start to feel old? I never actually thought I'm old. I still don't, yeah, it's an inevitable thing. Aging is inevitable, yeah? Being old somehow isn't. Being old is a choice, yeah? And, I mean, I've decided to make the choice to stay as young as I can, yeah, but I'd never, ever felt old. And, I mean, I'd like to, you know, you know, what's the number where people say, Oh, because you're that number, you're old? No, all depends on the person. Yeah. Some people at 24 looks like an old person when they talk or behavior, yeah? Other people not, not like that. I think that I'm like that because my friends are all younger than me, yeah, and they all like my company, so I don't feel the age the gap, because I treat them as my own. To get a hell of a shock when you look in the mirror. Do you get a hell of a shock when you look in the mirror? I can't see myself in the mirror anymore. I am joking the mirror. Do you Yes, since I was ready and I wasn't pretty. So my sister was a beautiful person, but green eyes, beautiful teeth, mine was all clear. So when we went to the cinema, for example, we were doing our hair, when I looked at her and then looked at me, gosh, I thought it was horrible. I'm sure you weren't, but I get a shock when I look in the mirror sometimes.
Oh, you shouldn't.
Oh, thanks. That's what I really pretend as we get probably your husband's behind you, noticeable. That is really that's why I avoid mirrors. It's true, because I think when I look at the mirror and I see my face, what are these? Grace, my goodness me, could have something to make me look younger? Yeah, really, no, no wrinkles. Oh, yeah, but you know, you've got the wisdom of those wrinkles, don't you? I mean, I mean, I wonder about that too.
In terms of aging, it's quite difficult to change your looks, but you can change your attitudes, your behaviors. And I mean I am physically I mean my aging came suddenly, yeah, because I I collapsed, went into a coma, spent six or seven weeks in hospital, came out and I was disabled. I can't walk very well, and I lack balance. That's my major issue. Prior to that, the day before, I was fine, yeah, afterwards, I'm not so with me. The aging, aging process didn't really affect me other than the physical, sort of medical side of it, but mentally, I still feel as young as, I mean, I still feel working with a lot of technology, aren't you? I mean, I know you, yeah, you're the computer savvy one that we've got here, that one of the few, yeah, when I work with computers virtually, well, say, all my life, I was an advertising copywriter. You started writing it by hand, giving it to a secretary, then you were given a typewriter, then you were given an electric typewriter, and then a computer, and you just ran with it. You just, you know, it just grew. Technology is one of those things that keeps you young, isn't it, because, like on social media and things like that, yeah, it keeps any sort of communication, any any sort of rapport with people, is going to keep you younger. Yeah, you know, the ones who lock themselves away and, you know, feel sad for themselves, are getting nowhere. They are going to age more quickly, I believe than I am, because I am going to maintain my friendships and my family relationships and whatever for as long as I possibly can, and that does keep you young. Question about, do you see lots of stereotypes about people who are aging, and what do you think about them? Ooh, the stereotypes are largely physical. I think, I mean, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's I eyes and ears are one thing. You've got a lot of people around here, or, you know, lacking in those areas, and you know, they're all sort of stupid old man with a walking stick, or, you know, I've got a walker, a trolley, and they become stereotypes, and you've got to fight them. You've got to, you've got to not go with the stereotype. I mean, I need that device. I mean, I'm lost without it. I'll be on the floor without it, but I I've got to learn how to use it to the best of my advantage, so that it actually doesn't impact on my life as much as it could. Yeah. You know what? I mean, yeah. And that's a stereotype in itself, the stereotype of a little old man daughtering along with a walker.
What about grumpiness? You know, there's always a grumpy old man, grumpy old man, grumpy old woman. There's a real stereotype about that. What do you think? Yeah, I think I've become a bit more grumpy.
I do actually. I will complain carefully, cautiously, but I will complain and make comments about certain things, probably more so than I would have done some years ago. And if something goes wrong which affects me, I want to know. I want to know why, and I will, I will ask, and if I don't get a good answer, I will ask grumbly, and is that because you're more why? Why is that you're more confident? I am. Yeah, I find myself very confident with, with with people, and with sort of management and whatever a lot of people aren't. I mean, when I've run my own businesses, and, you know, I've been in the business world, so it doesn't, doesn't affect me that much. Um, Veena, I was gonna ask you were just saying you're in a great stage of your life. So do you feel like that? That I do feel like that. Because, as I say.
I have young people around me, and I am a very good listener. I like to listen to people talking so I never interrupt. I can listen the young and listen the old, and my mind is working, and I don't feel unhappy at all around them. And as I say, I don't think about anything happening to me really when it happened or be suddenly. I'm sure that's what we all hope for. What did you do when you were younger? I was an accountant, right? A secretary to directors, yeah, yeah. You're used to listening. That's my quartet, yeah. So what new things have you learned as you've kind of gone into this third stage of your life, what kind of it to be more patient?
Because it's something that I never had, I didn't make but I've been trying along the years, yeah, because it's something that my mother used to say. So he's sold my mind, and so I've been, I grow on that space because she's thin, much, much, much more patient than I used to be.
How do you do that? How do you become you just think we're opposites. I've become more grumpy.
Like selfishness. My mother used to say that I was a little bit selfish, and I can tell you that I'm not selfish at all today because I did a lot of exercises not to to be selfish, because I think he's the horrible son.
Is a horrible fact if you are selfish. So how many brothers? How many brothers and sisters did you have that your mom thought? Ah, so, yeah. So it's an interesting thing for your mum to think you were selfish. That's what I was wondering about. Yeah, yeah. I don't know how you I don't know how you learn not to be that sounds Oh, it's not Oh, it's I could tell you a lot of things about yourself.
Is there anything you think we don't know about aging that you wish we knew that you could pass on to people obviously cures for diseases. And it's got to be a badass, and it's got to be, why can't they cure cancer? Whatever the big the big issues. Because, I mean, a lot of people, sounds odd, but they are old because they're ill. Yeah, and you know, if you could be well, completely well all the time, you wouldn't, you wouldn't feel, a lot of people wouldn't feel, I mean, I'm not ill, I'm disabled, but I'm not ill, yeah, but those who are, and I have a great deal of respect for people who, you know, sort of fight cancer or whatever. And yeah, if I could see any major changes, it would be in that area, definitely. I mean, the alternative to aging is not great, is it? No, it's pretty terminal.
We'll see you next time on I'm too old for this, which is brought to you by Brightwater, creating communities where people thrive, connect and belong. If you'd like to get in touch, contact details are in our show notes.